Thursday, March 20, 2014

Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Mom

I was looking at my life tonight and had a revelation: being mom is the most amazingly sucky job ever. I love being a mommy so much, but there's so much they don't tell you. Remember those textbooks you read in high school health class? The ones that talked about how beautiful becoming a parent was? They lied.

10 things they don't tell you about being a mom:
-You will never be able to laugh, sneeze, fart, bend over, kneel, or cough without peeing a little bit.
-Your fingers will become chew toys.
-Your boobs will look exactly like your grandmas.
-Your child will not wait until their teens to start arguing and having a bad attitude.
-You won't remember how to hold a normal conversation - you'll use words like "potty" and talk to everybody like they are idiots.
-You will have to dress somebody and one day they will start telling you what to wear - even if it doesn't match, you will wear it to make them happy.
-You can no longer be afraid of puke down your shirt, poop on your hands, and pee running down your leg - none of which is yours.
-You will share shower/bath time with somebody and it won't be sexy at all.
-You will no longer spend money on yourself. Not because somebody is forcing you, but because you would rather spend it on the little people in your home instead.

Realistically, this list could go on and on. But, at the end of the day, you realize you love being a mom... Usually after the kids have gone to bed and you are soaking in your bath tub - along with the mermaid Barbie and twenty rubber duckies.

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